Flying back home on Squeezyjet the other week there, I was listening to the cabin crew do their usual safety speil (as you do) and they got to the section where they say:
“In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen will be provided, a mask like this will fall from the panel above, pull it to your face and by doing so the oxygen supply will be activated. Secure your mask before helping others with theirs….” You know the bit?
Anyway it occurred to me that with Easyjet, Ryanair and no doubt others looking for more ways to extract revenue from their passengers a new ploy could be forthcoming. Don’t forget that many “pleasures” you used to take for granted are now no longer free… they are subject to you paying extra.
- If you fancy queuing longer- pay extra to stand near the front for half an hour before the flight is called : speedy boarding
- If you want something to eat on board, the “easy kisok” will come round offering you food and drink- please have the correct change
- If you want to take a bag with you (as if!) eh, that will be a tenner please…. each way….
- If you want to have a pee, em a pound (Ryanair- well at least they were threatening this- dunno if they did it as I would rather piss on their seat than give them anything more quite frankly- Dick Turpin and all that.)
- If youwant to pay on line with a credit card (no- I would rather pay cash- how do I do that?) there will be a credit card charge…..
- Feeling lucky- buy an easyjet scratch card and win a notional £20 to spend in the easy shop, where the cheapest item is £21, (obviously this entails you spending a £1 on the scratch card, then spening more money to extract the value for the prize- money you would otherwise never have spent) Why on earth woul dyou want to buy a platic orange airbus jet model, or a bear in a flying jacket……
You get the picture…..
Anyway how about this one
“In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen may be provided, a mask like this will fall from the panel above, pull it to your face . Easy card plus holders will continue to breathe reasonably normally. The cabin crew will come around to assist, and will offer to actually turn on the oxygen supply for a mere £15.
You are reminded by prebooking you can save ££££’s. Prebooking your oxygen supply will only cost you £5 or £7 return.
Why not purchase easy breathing plus our annual oxygen supply card for only £100.
Customers choosing not to purchase our oxygen plan, em, might hallucinate wildly, and ultimately , em,….. die.
Please be aware Easyjet operate a no dying policy, passengers so doing will be refused carriage and may be evacuated from the aircraft over the first stretch of open water we encounter. Please make sure you are wearing clothing that is unlikely to tear in the event of cabin crew having to lift you by it and throw you from the cargo hatch.
We do hope you have a pleasant flight………”