Halleynet Headspace

Posts Tagged ‘humour’

Here at Halleynet Headspace we hate PC. PC sucks. if you agree signt he petition below. 

The world-famous Red Arrows have been banned from appearing at the 2012 London Olympics because they are deemed “too British”. Organisers of the event say that the Arrows military background might be “offensive” to other countries taking part in the Games. The display team have performed at more than 4000 events worldwide, but the Department of Culture, Media and Sport have deemed the display team “too militaristically British”. Red Arrows pilots were said to be “outraged”, as they had hoped to put on a truly world class display for the Games, something which had never been seen before. Being axed from a British-based event for being “too British” is an insult – the Arrows are a symbol of Britain. The Red Arrows have been excellent ambassadors for British overseas trade, as they display their British-built Hawk aircraft all over the world. The Arrows performed a short flypast in 2005 when the winning bid was announced, but their flypast at the Games was to have been truly spectacular. It is to be hoped that common sense prevails If you disagree with this decision, sign the petition on the link below http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/RedArrows2012/?ref=redArrows2012

These pictures came my way recently, from a colleague. They were found while clearing out a drawer or something. These are pics taken round and about the Orange operations team in Scotland in the mid ’90′s. Thought they were worth publishing as a laugh.

 This pic has the following people in during a team buiold event at Kenmore, Raymond Reid (Now Logistics and Contracts team Manager in Network Operations), Gail Sherwood, Roddy Nicoll (now on contract with Core Infrastructure Expansion), Alan Halferty , Sandra Johnstone, (Scotland Office Admin) , Gareth Hall, Field Ops North Scotland,  John Gilmour (Resource Manager North England, and Scotland), Richard Caul (Switched Network Support Manager) Kenny Archer, (Team Leader Northern Ireland.)

 Here we have Bobby Dickson top IT guru (Now in New Zealand), and Jenny ( no idea where she is now!). This pic was taken in the old Livingston Office.

 Here’s me looking infinitely younger in the days when men were men and sheep were frightened. On one of my spares jaunts back to base- looks like I am booking in a faulty BSC card.

Here’s Raymond Reid with the ATV on the back of his 4×4, Raymond often used to find himself in ditches and muddy fields, though usually while trying to keep a motorcycle on the tarmac!

 Here’s Derek Brown our Storeman. Unfotunately Derek has not been too well these last few years, but he works with the North East Field Team out of Darlington as a field Tech.

 All round top bloke- Craig Miller, foremr field ops engineer, now contracting somewhere (last known to be at Nokia) Here we see Craig in Cold weather suit, apparently standing on a peir somewhere. Notice behind him he has a fishing rod. This therefore could safely be assumed to be in working hours. Craig was obviously waiting on finishing time coming round so he could book onto OT!

More of the same suspects as before in the cafe at Kenmore, though Stan Davies former District Operations Manager is sitting far right. Stan has now semi retired, though we see him at Christmas doo’s and things.

Your on an Easyjet flight. You’re waiting in the departure lounge. Suddenly there is an announcement, could Mr Bloggs travelling to Edinburgh on EZY426 come to gate 7.

Why then do about 100 others get up and start queuing at the gate? What possible advantage do they think they are going to get. I’ve seen them there 15 minutes before the flight is called. Everyone has a ticket with a boarding group ( Actually Easyjet’s entire boarding palavar just makes me sooo annoyed. I honestly can’t beleive this is better than giving everyone allocated seats. More later- I digress) , the groups used to be A,B,C and D but now I notice its A and B only. They have allowed for the first group now being “passengers who purchased ezy boarding”.

Easy Boarding!- what a bunch of muppets. Do you know I priced this for some flights I have to take with the family later in the the year-and it would have cost an extra £30 on the total cost of flights which were £130. Thats a cool 23% mark up – for what- so you can stand at the front of a queue- and queue longer! Half the time they use a bus to board the plane anyway so speedy boarding gets you precisely no where!

Anyway back to the queue- so you have 100 people crowding like a rugby scrum in front of the gate and then they say could people travelling with young children or needing more time please come to the gate. Next time I see a couple of middle aged adults with young Johnny (age 14 and 6 foot 7 tall) go to the front …. and get on, I am going to go tot he front too. When they question me about why I have pushed through I will let them know I am travelling with a virtual young child- just like Johnny’s Mum and Dad cos there is no way he qualifies!

The “infirm” too- I have no problem with old codgers who have to walk slow or can’t manage the stairs very well going up first but half of them that I see have just completed the veterans class in the London Marathon and are using their age as a VIP pass! Pay for Ezy Boarding you old buggerz!.

Then the moment comes- passengers with boarding group A please come to the gate- Half of the back of the queue surges forward because the knobs at the front are all in other boarding groups- but they are not allowed on yet. So now you have people who are allowed on trying to read other people who are in the queues boarding cards to see if they can overtake to get to the front- their now rightful place. I watched a fat lady stand at the front of the queue for a good 20 minutes the other day and she was to be one of the last to board. SIT DOWN YOU STUPID FAT BAG!

Finally the final part of the scrum ensues- everyone else comes forward. and proceed to get through the gate. Of course this is when high farce sets in, because the plane isn’t actually ready for boarding yet, or there is no bus to get you there. So everyone is simply queueing up outside.

You get to the front and they ask you for your ID. Now what exactly is this about? I fly all the time and the only people who do this are SqueezyJet. Why? I have a boarding card- LET ME ON! And now they ask you again between the gate door and the plane- usually there is some ground handling agent hiding between a couple of baggage trolleys carrying a Jobsworth clipboard, and they jump oit and ask you again. Its sooo annoying because you have usually just put it away so you are organised for tackling the final part of this pantomime- getting a seat!

So you get onto the plane, up the steps- more boarding pass chaos, and into the aisle of the plane.

Now practically everyone with EzyBoarding has grabbed a window seat, though theres usually loads left if your bothered. Everyone else who hasn’t got a window has grabbed the aisle seats- they don’t want to sit next to a stragner so they leave a space in the middle. Also the middle seat always feels more cramped as you have someones elbow on each arm rest either side. So we all grab the outsides in the vain hope the plane will be quiet and no one will want the middle seat….. but they always do, so the people in the outside need to stand up and let someone in the middle. Now I can sort of understand this bit- I hate the middle seat you get jammed in and feel squashed up. But why not simply allocate seat numbers or board by rows? My God its not difficult nor any more time consuming than this shambles! And then you finally discover that not only do you have a really cramped seat but also on the latest Airbuses operated by Squeezy Jet they did not buy the reclining seat options for passenger seats, so your fixed in an unnaturally cramped upright postion for the whole journey…… ARGGGHHHHH!

You get on a plane going to or from your chosen holiday destination and about 1/3 of the male (and often a number of female) passengers are wearing football shirts- in my recent trips case- Celtic or Rangers.

Why?

What possible benefit do these to$$ers really think its going to give them? What is the point? Do they think half the plane is going to come over and say- wow your really cool. Cos the other half is just as likely to say- look at that knob in a Celtic/ Rangers strip- because they support the other team.

Do they think that they will get less hassle from taxis/baggage handlers by wearing one. “Sir sir, I will take your baggage, I speak very very good hinglish- , Me Celtic/ Me Rangers, very good friend, very good for tourist…..”

Honestly- have they nothing else in their wardrobe? Do they have clothes like Shaggy- only a load of green shirts and brown trousers except in this case- Celtic or Rangers shirts- probably one for each year.

Do they want to offend someone in the check in queue by wearing a shirt they know a sizeable percentage of the other passengers will hate? If you want to offend people do it right- by flying from Edinburgh when you come from Glasgow- or vice versa and wearing a shirt that says- East Coasters are all Gay. At least you will have a consistent result. Everyone will hate you!

Get a life